Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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