Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i out mim tonsoeep
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
