he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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