she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
