dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
