hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
