At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Randomize