her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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