tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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