you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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