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i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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