I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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