very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
