you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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