and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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