oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
