its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
