next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
two words: eviction party
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
