you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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