i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
