i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
