my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
