It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
