If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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