I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
