somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
