hotel room ftw
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
