Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
