someone get that fucking seahorse.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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