question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize