did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
