do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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