Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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