it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
