i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
