i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
