every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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