yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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