My room smells like vodka and shame
I wish they made helmets for livers.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
