Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
