I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
