We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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