I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
