guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
