you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dick very happy bro
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize