..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
