just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
