She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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