Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
