in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
