At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
