if i can run in heels then i can drive
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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