Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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