just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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