I have demons in me.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
