You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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