I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
