??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
