Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
