i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
