I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Randomize
