Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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