I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
