I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
