I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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