but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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