If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
honey bunches of taint.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize
