and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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